Untitled
by thisiswhereIkeepmyfics
Summary: A 'dark' oneshot inspired by the Spring Trailer. What happens if Rita can't cope with Mark's return?
This is a something that's been floating round my head for a while now that I decided to write after a couple of people said they'd like to see it. The title of the fic is from the Simple Plan song of the same name which sort of set the mood for the whole thing. I wasn't really sure how to end it so I've left it on a bit of a cliff hanger so you can make your own mind up about what happens next. I'm a bit nervous about posting this so I'd love to know what you all think to it.

There's a trigger warning for suicide/overdosing so please don't read if this will effect you in any way.

* * *

 _I've spent most of my adult life being terrified of that monster, I've spent most of my life being his physical and emotional punch bag and I can't take it any more. No matter how hard I try to move on, no matter how far I run he'll always be in the shadows, I'll always be watching my back, wondering when he's next going to appear. I'm sorry, I love you but I can't keep living like this, it's selfish I know, but it's time I did something for myself for a change and this is the only way, this is the only thing I can do to stop him haunting me. I used to have nightmares about the things he did to me but not any more, not now, not now reality has become worse than my nightmares. I'm sorry, I wish there was some other way but there isn't believe me there isn't, he'll always be there, we can move on, start again but in a couple of months, years he'll be back. I'd only be prolonging the inevitable and I don't want to drag you down with me._

 _Please don't blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done. I love you. You made me happier than I can remember being in a long time and I should have told you a million times already but I love you Iain. I love you and I'm sorry._

 _All my love_

 _Rita xxxxx_

Rita wiped at her eyes, she hadn't noticed she was crying until she saw a tear splash onto the paper, smudging the words she'd just written. She knew, she knew what she was going to do would hurt Iain but she also knew it was for the best. Without her he'd be able to find someone else, someone who wasn't as fucked up as she was, someone who didn't have the baggage she did, someone free to love him without a psycho ex-husband constantly lurking in the background.

She hated Mark, she hated him for what he'd done to her, she hated him for breaking her but she hated herself even more for letting him. She felt fresh tears fall as she glanced at the items she'd left on the kitchen side. She'd been so happy, Iain had made her so happy, it was hard to believe how drastically things had changed. She'd managed to sort herself out after Mark had shattered her too many times before and she couldn't do it again, she knew if she picked herself up now he'd only come back again and she'd couldn't spend the rest of her life worrying, wondering when Mark was next going to appear, when he was next going to break her. She couldn't do it to herself and she couldn't do it to Iain, he deserved better than that, he deserved someone better than she could ever be.

She folded the paper neatly, writing Iain's name on the front before propping it on the kitchen table, gently kissing her fingers and placing them on the paper. She glanced at her phone and briefly considered calling him, she wanted to hear his voice one last time, she wanted to say goodbye properly but she knew she couldn't, she knew if she heard his voice she'd break down, she'd break down and he'd manage to change her mind. She couldn't let him do that, she was doing this as much for him as she was for herself, she couldn't back out now.

She picked up her phone along with the things she'd set out on the side, deciding to text Iain instead ' _I love you x'_ she said simply, she'd never said it to him just like he'd never said it to her but now, now she needed him to know.

Iain smiled, he was on a break at the ambulance station when Rita's text came through, he'd thought about saying it enough times but he hadn't wanted to push Rita, ' _I love you too, I'll see you later xx'_ he replied, it was Rita's day off and he'd told her he'd go over after his shift.

His text bought tears to her eyes, how could he love her, Mark was right, she was cold, empty and heartless, no, she shook her head, he didn't love her, he was only saying it because she'd said it to him. ' _I'm sorry'_ Rita replied, adding a link to a video that said everything a thousand times better than she ever could, she couldn't find the words to tell him. She waited for the message to send before turning off her phone, this was it. She was done.

Iain frowned at Rita's reply, he knew she hadn't been herself since Mark had appeared but she had nothing to apologise for. He clicked on the link, smiling slightly as 'I will always love you' began to play, quickly turning it off when Jez walked into the room carrying two mugs of tea.

"What was that?" He asked, passing over Iain's mug.

"Nothing, just something Rita sent me."

"Whitney?"

"Yeah."

"Bit depressing isn't it, are you two okay?"

Iain frowned, "what do you mean?"

"It's about two people splitting up isn't it?"

"Nah mate, it's about always loving someone."

"My mum's a massive Whitney fan, listen to it, it's about still loving someone even though you can't be with them."

Iain frowned again and clicked on the link for a second time. Jez was right, the lyrics to the song hit him like a tonne of bricks. He couldn't believe it, Rita had just told him she loved him, she couldn't be breaking up with him could she? He didn't text back, he knew the wait for a reply would kill him so he chose to call Rita instead. Her phone went straight to voicemail but he didn't leave a message, he couldn't, he needed to see her, he needed to find out what she meant by sending him that song, "drink up" he told Jez as he quickly downed his tea.

"Why, what are we doing?"

"We're going over to Rita's, I need to find out what the hell's going on."

Rita on the other hand had made her way up the stairs to bed where she curled up under the duvet, tears rolling freely down her cheeks as, with shaking hands she unscrewed the lid from the bottle of vodka. It was ironic really, vodka had kept her going for so long after her marriage had broken up and yet here she was, turning to it again now she no longer wanted to keep going.

She took a long gulp from the bottle, the clear liquid burning her throat as she swallowed but she needed it, she needed the courage to go through with this. Her hands shook more than she was possible as she reached for the small cardboard box she'd put beside the vodka. She was a nurse, she knew exactly what dosage of drugs should be administered to save a life. She also knew how much was needed to end one too.

She swallowed quickly, before she had chance to change her mind, tiny white pills washed down with a bitter, clear liquid. It was so simple. She took a final gulp from the bottle before laying down, it wouldn't take long, she could already feel a fog forming in her head. She briefly wondered if she should regret it, there were so many things she wanted to do, things she'd never get to do, places she'd never get to see but the relief, the comfort she got from knowing she'd never have to see Mark again, that she'd never hear his voice, never feel his hands on her again was overwhelming. No, she smiled to herself as she closed her eyes, she'd made the right choice, she was better off out of it and Iain was better off without her.

Iain pulled the ambulance to a screeching halt outside Rita's house, barely turning off the engine before he raced up the path and started banging on the door, calling her name. He was only vaguely aware of Jez appearing beside him as he lifted the plant pots by the door until he found the one hiding Rita's spare key, allowing him to let himself into the house.

He knew straight away something wasn't right, the silence was deafening and his heart began to race in his chest, "we need to find her" he told Jez, as he made his way into the living room, Jez heading for the kitchen.

"Mate" it was Jez that found the note, handing the neatly folded paper to Iain who's face paled as he read her words, as he saw her tear drops on the paper.

"Rita" he yelled, charging up the stairs, hoping to a God he'd never believed in that she was still in the house, that she hadn't left, they weren't too late. He swore, falling to knees by the bed when he found her lifeless body on the bed, she looked so peaceful, like she was sleeping but the half empty bottle of vodka and the open packet of morphine by the bed told him otherwise and he frantically grabbed at her wrist, sighing in relief when he found a pulse, faint but still there. "Jez" he shouted, the other paramedic paling as he ran into the room and saw Rita.

"Get those" Iain gestured to the pills, "so we can work out how much she's taken, and radio this in, let them know we'll be 5 minutes, you better put your bloody foot down on the way in" he told the younger paramedic as he scooped his girlfriend into his arms and carried her out to the ambulance.

It had been Zoe who'd answered the call from ambulance control, she'd informed Connie and Charlie and Connie had gathered the staff together to tell them what had happened, informing them that she needed a team to treat Rita and she wouldn't judge anyone who didn't think they'd be able to cope seeing their friend so critically ill.

It was decided in the end that both Zoe and Connie would treat Rita along with Charlie and Louise and Iain raced into the department just a few minutes longer, reeling off all the vital information they'd need as he made his way to resus, Rita still in his arms. He hadn't bothered with the trolley, he'd barely waited for Jez to stop, it had broken his heart when he'd had to intubate Rita on the way to the hospital. His hands had been shaking so much, his eyes so blurred from the tears he refused to let fall that he didn't know how he managed it. He'd try to tell himself it was just another patient but it wasn't, it was Rita, his Rita, the woman he loved.

"Do we know what she's taken?" Connie asked Iain, Zoe, Charlie and Louise moving over to the bed the second Rita had been laid on it.

"Morphine" he told her "and vodka, we bought what was left of the morphine in, Jez is just working out how much she's taken."

Connie nodded, "okay, you go and wait in the relatives room, someone will come and find you when there's any news."

Iain nodded, he didn't have the energy to argue, he didn't even have the energy to make it to the relatives room and he sank to the floor outside resus, his head in his hands as he failed to hold back his tears and began to sob. He cried for a while before fumbling in his pocket for his phone, more tears spilling from his eyes as he saw the picture of them both on his home screen, she looked so happy, so carefree and it hit him. He might never get to see that smile again, he might never get to feel her arms around his neck again, her lips might never brush against his again. His fingers shook as he scrolled through his contacts for the number of the one person who needed to know, the only other person who loved Rita as much as he did, "Dix" he whispered, his voice cracking as she greeted him cheerfully, "you need to come back, it, it's Rita, she…" he didn't finish.

Iain's phone fell from his hands and he let out a strangled sob after hearing Zoe's voice from inside resus, he heard her say the 3 words he'd been dreading, "she's lost output…"


End file.
